Modesto Lingerfelter is a fella who would sell you half a lump of squidgy black half price, just to see you smile (for a while)
Lulling you into a false security sense, that's when the cheap hash merchant demands another ten

'I already paid for this hash'
'Well then buddy, where's your receipt?'

He was in my Leaving Cert art class
Every Monday sat down the back and asked to see Mr. Avery or the school guidance counsellor if she's not busy

He says he had a whack at her big fat tits
It's a myth, of course, but young boys believe this
The following scene takes place in the office of administration on a Monday morning

Guidance Councellor and Gossip Queen
was told by Modesto that I fingered a sixteen year-old
inside the premises of the property
failed at fingering properly
while staying on the floppy

In addition to this, he embellished a bit more
Ignoring the clit and going straight for the hole
He says I whacked a couple fists inside hoping to control her whole body so that everyone would think I'm a girl

According to tale I got my head in the female's orifice
Refusing to quit until conquering all of it
Worming my torso fanatically
Legs still limply dangling
Thrashing and mangling
Finally managing to fit my entire body inside her vagina

Guidance Councellor told everyone this
Nicknamed me 'The Human Penis'
They said my crimes were heinous

I confront the menace and I express distress
in a rational manner
This is often the best solution to solving a problem as a sensible adult

He's a reasonable man and admits his guilt
He apologises promising nothing but goodwill
Invites me to his house, yet remorseful still
Tells tales of a teleportation device he recently built

He offers teleportation as an apology

A fool am I, yes I oblige
I take off my shoes and step into the teleportation device

Lo and behold, I transport through the air
to a rooftop in Bangkok
I'm really there

Modesto! How did you do it?!

Further research I did that night
brings facts to light I can't deny
In this machine, the original me dies
and a carbon copy is brought to life
in a different location

with the exact same memories in my brain
but essentially each time I teleport I die
and a new me is replicated

You got me again, Modesto
You crafty bastard