Modesto Lingerfelter is a fella who would sell you half a lump of squidgy black half price, just to see you smile (for a while) Lulling you into a false security sense, that's when the cheap hash merchant demands another ten 'I already paid for this hash' 'Well then buddy, where's your receipt?' He was in my Leaving Cert art class Every Monday sat down the back and asked to see Mr. Avery or the school guidance counsellor if she's not busy He says he had a whack at her big fat tits It's a myth, of course, but young boys believe this The following scene takes place in the office of administration on a Monday morning Guidance Councellor and Gossip Queen was told by Modesto that I fingered a sixteen year-old inside the premises of the property failed at fingering properly while staying on the floppy In addition to this, he embellished a bit more Ignoring the clit and going straight for the hole He says I whacked a couple fists inside hoping to control her whole body so that everyone would think I'm a girl According to tale I got my head in the female's orifice Refusing to quit until conquering all of it Worming my torso fanatically Legs still limply dangling Thrashing and mangling Finally managing to fit my entire body inside her vagina Guidance Councellor told everyone this Nicknamed me 'The Human Penis' They said my crimes were heinous I confront the menace and I express distress in a rational manner This is often the best solution to solving a problem as a sensible adult He's a reasonable man and admits his guilt He apologises promising nothing but goodwill Invites me to his house, yet remorseful still Tells tales of a teleportation device he recently built He offers teleportation as an apology A fool am I, yes I oblige I take off my shoes and step into the teleportation device Lo and behold, I transport through the air to a rooftop in Bangkok I'm really there Modesto! How did you do it?! Further research I did that night brings facts to light I can't deny In this machine, the original me dies and a carbon copy is brought to life in a different location with the exact same memories in my brain but essentially each time I teleport I die and a new me is replicated You got me again, Modesto You crafty bastard

She's subletting her love The landlord doesn't know Keep it on the down low Don't speak so loud or neighbours will know She's subletting her love I'm a tenant in her abode I reside in her grand designs Finders keepers, losers weepers She holds my head (says I wish I met you) When I was younger 'cause I'm tied down now (to another) and I'm afraid to change She strokes my hair secretly and leaves me leftovers of her heart from under the table like a Labrador She's subletting her love to me I chew on the crumbs In 5 months She'll be gone She's subletting her love to me I should feel lucky It's better than nothing So close to something Her love is on loan to me While the other man's missing Kissing in the kitchen Terms and conditions apply Pretty soon I'll be evicted This rent is extortionate I can't afford it She's subletting her love The landlord doesn't know Keep it on the down low Don't speak so loud or neighbours will know She's subletting her love I'm a tenant in her abode Pretty soon I'll live alone